Give and Take

We tend to shy away from friends and family when they need us the most because we don’t want to be pulled down into the flaming depths of their pain.  Somehow suffering has been labeled as a contagious disease.  We avoid getting too close to others because God forbid they ask for more help than we can give.  So how do we help without losing our own well-being? 

I have been on both sides of this challenging situation.  I have been the friend in need who was too much for others to handle and I have shied away from a friend in need feeling too weak to take on their burden.  Both situations feel awful.  Helping others doesn’t have to scare us.  We don’t have to look at it as a sacrifice.  Every time that we help someone else, we’re given an opportunity to grow and learn.  We learn our own limits and fears when confronted with the fears and limits of others.  We grow past these fears and limits by helping others do the same.  Their pain can be a friendly reminder that we are all human and suffering is an unavoidable piece of the human experience.  Instead of trying to avoid someone else's pain, jump right in.  You might learn something that will help you when it’s your turn to suffer.   

  

Compassion has been translated as “feeling with,” but feeling the pain of others will not help them emerge from their suffering.  Be there for them without joining them.  Give them space and time to feel their pain.  You don’t have to fix them.  Continue being your peaceful healthy self and when they are ready, they will join you.

 

The Path

“Wherever you put your foot, there is the path.  You become the path.” – Derrick Jensen

As my life turns away from the path I had imagined, I find myself asking if my path has changed or if I have lost my way. 

I put one foot in front of the other walking through the doors that are opening for me and find myself in an unfamiliar room looking at an unfamiliar face in the mirror.  Who is this person staring back at me?  The identity that was mine has fallen away giving light to a foreign character who claims to be me.  What happened to that wanderlust gypsy who never had a home?  What happened to the girl who thought working for the system would steal her soul?  

The path that is opening so willingly in front of me is flowing swiftly away from the life I thought was mine.   I struggle to let go of my definition of the path and allow it to unfold at its will.  Fighting to stay on a path that is slowly petering out would only lead to a dense forest that would block my way.  I cannot bushwhack my way back to a life of my choosing.  When you are truly on the path you do not need to question where it leads.  You simply continue to place your foot in the spaces that open.  

I sat at the Dharma Center waiting for some clarity when a member asked to read page 49 in the book A Monastery Within.  It spoke of four monks who had very different ideas about what the path was.  One thought it was an escape from the chaos of society.  One thought it was a journey towards a great destination.  One thought it was the simple task of enjoying wherever you were along the way, and the fourth thought it was a means to train the body and mind.  The Abyss cleared up the disagreement by saying, “it doesn’t matter what path you’re on.  As long as you take every step mindfully, you will become the path.”  

The secret is to place your foot wherever the path is clear and walk forward mindfully.  If you are living mindfully, it won’t matter where you go because you will have become the path.