We tend to shy away from friends and family when they need
us the most because we don’t want to be pulled down into the flaming depths of
their pain. Somehow suffering has been
labeled as a contagious disease. We
avoid getting too close to others because God forbid they ask for more help
than we can give. So how do we help
without losing our own well-being?
I have been on both sides of this challenging
situation. I have been the friend in
need who was too much for others to handle and I have shied away from a friend
in need feeling too weak to take on their burden. Both situations feel awful. Helping others doesn’t have to scare us. We don’t have to look at it as a
sacrifice. Every time that we help
someone else, we’re given an opportunity to grow and learn. We learn our own limits and fears when
confronted with the fears and limits of others.
We grow past these fears and limits by helping others do the same. Their pain can be a friendly reminder that we
are all human and suffering is an unavoidable piece of the human experience. Instead of trying to avoid someone else's pain, jump
right in. You might learn something that
will help you when it’s your turn to suffer.
Compassion has been translated as “feeling with,” but
feeling the pain of others will not help them emerge from their suffering. Be there for them without joining them. Give them space and time to feel their
pain. You don’t have to fix them. Continue being your peaceful healthy self and
when they are ready, they will join you.
