A Spiritual Path

Four weeks ago I went on a one week Buddhist meditation and ecology retreat at Tich Naht Hahn’s Plum Village in southern France.  It is no exaggeration to say that the experience redirected the path of my life. After a year of teaching middle school in Colorado, I wasn't sure that I would be able to continue teaching.  The kids had an energy that drained me.  It was so disheartening to see how the kids treated each other and me.  Discipline was very difficult for me.  I didn't like having to raise my voice and punish my students, but when I didn't they were out of control.  I hated who I was becoming.  I came here to see if I could change my approach to teaching and interact with kids in a different way.  I had so many students who struggled just to understand that the difficulties they were facing had more to do with their own emotions and perspectives than external causes.  They would blame everyone and everything but themselves and turn to external vices to fix the problems.  It hurt me to see it and not know what to do to change the cycle for them.

When I first left Plum Village, I thought about stopping my master’s program and moving to Plum Village or another monastery for a year to learn how Buddhism could teach me how to help these kids.  For three weeks I had a huge internal struggle trying to choose which path to take.  I wanted to bring what I had learned at PV and give it to all of my struggling students, but I didn't know how.  I was no longer sure of what my motivation to do the master’s program was.  I came here to learn how to be a better teacher and I felt like I got more helpful advice in one week at PV than four years of university. While there I met a 16 year old kid who had a deeper understanding of himself than most adults I know.  He had chosen to leave his life in public school where he had gotten caught in a cycle of selling drugs and taking advantage of everyone around him.  He wanted to find a meaning for his life and understand why he was causing himself and others so much suffering.  In 9 months at PV, he learned English fluently and most importantly how to connect with his soul.  I can't give that to my students in four years of high school.  I started to ask questions like; how can I implement what you gained at PV into a normal classroom?  Is it even possible or will I have to change my approach?  Can I be the teacher that I want to be in a system that is so broken? 

Last week I received an email telling me that I was being awarded a $10,000 scholarship to stay and finish my master’s in Switzerland.  I took this as a sign that I am meant to stay here and finish what I started.  I think there needs to be a balance between a spiritual life and a rational one.  If I turn too much towards Buddhism, I may lose my connection to the rational world and in turn may lose my ability to work with people within the system.  Plum Village gave new meaning to my time here in Switzerland and clarified what I want to do with the information I gain. I don't have any answers yet, but know that I want to change how we teach our youth and what kind of knowledge we emphasize.