Freeing the Stories

"When we think that something will bring us pleasure, we don't really know what will happen.  When we think something will give us misery, we don't know.  Letting there be room for not knowing is the most important thing of all." -Pema Chodron-

In this moment of transition I am trying to embrace the emptiness that is in front of me by not filling it with stories about what would bring me happiness in the future.  Emptiness is scary because we are always told to have a plan with a well defined direction to head in.  I am constantly being asked what my future plans are; where I will be living, what job I will have, how I will get around without a car.  As the list of questions gets longer, the realness of the empty space in front of me grows stronger.  I don't know the answer to any of these questions.  What I do know is that whenever I fill this empty space with stories, I start living fictive situations in my head instead of being present for what is manifesting itself in the present.  Living today based on ideas of what will make me happy tomorrow has never led me to truth.  These elaborate plans of what true happiness will look like blind me to the beauty that is right in front of me now.  Free yourself of these stories and live what makes you happy today.  Our future is built from all that we do today, so if we live today well, then tomorrow is bound to be wonderful.  

Fight with Freedom

“She is free in her wildness, she is a wanderess, a drop of free water. She knows nothing of borders and cares nothing for rules or customs. 'Time' for her isn’t something to fight against. Her life flows clean, with passion, like fresh water.” - Roman Payne


As I get ready to once again move towards new horizons, I fight against the pain that accompanies freedom.  This move is teaching me to accept who I am and the path that I walk.  As J.R.R. Tolkien says "not all wanderers are lost."  When you don't follow the main current, it is difficult to feel accepted and understood even by yourself.  I spent a lot of energy trying to change who I was, cage my free spirit and settle into normal life.  This seemed like the only way to find peace and love.  But instead of bringing me peace, this battle brought me much pain.  I thought that my lust for adventure was a handicap that had to be healed, rather than the light that carried me forward.  In trying to tame my sense of adventure I was suffocating my brightest light. 

The hardest part of moving forward is walking away from the beauty of where you are.  I have made some amazing connections here in Geneva just as I have done everywhere else that I have lived.  These connections bring meaning to my life and teach me how to love and be loved.  Each one adds a crucial piece to the puzzle that is me.  At times I feel unworthy of making strong connections knowing that I can never promise to stay for long, but the friends worth having understand that love is ever evolving and can continue to grow despite physical distance.  If you try to capture a refreshing breeze in a box it loses all the qualities that once made it so pleasant.  The same is true for love.  If you try to capture it in a box with promises of forever, it loses all the characteristics that made it real.  The love that grew during my time here in Geneva will remain present in my heart across all of the distances that I travel.  It will continue to grow and evolve within me and pass on to the next community that I join.