The Distance

Escape.  A lasting escape from an entangling web takes planning, diligent work and great conviction.  You can not escape with a wavering heart and expect it to last.  There may be times that you are able to flee a situation and avoid its immediate consequences, but eventually, you will find yourself returning to its grasp.  In order to make a lasting change, the escape must be done with deliberate care.  I was a master at fleeing, but to make my great escape, I would need much more strength than I currently possessed.  

Despite her evening indulgence in alcohol, my mom was able to maintain a solid face around the community.  She played the part of dedicated wife, tying up the loose ends left by a husband who was starting a new life somewhere else.  On the surface, she appeared to be doing well for herself.  She started a tutoring business that helped her pay the bills and feel needed guiding lost teens through their struggles in high school.  Meanwhile, her internal life was falling apart.  She was on the verge of claiming bankruptcy, unable to pay the mortgage, business loans and car loans with a bank account that had been drained by a delusional husband.  She was selling off whatever pieces of her life she could sacrifice; furniture, cars, televisions, computers, old office supplies.  She had to turn to her friends to loan her money so that she didn't get her life repossessed by the banks.  Her sobs could be heard all through the house as she wept for the image of her life that was slowly pealing off the walls.

I began tutoring with her.  We were building the business together, slowly adding clients in every high school subject.  It made her happy to have me as a partner.  She loved the idea of building something with her daughter.  While we were at work, we seemed like the ideal mother daughter duo complimenting each others skills perfectly.  At home, I was struggling to keep my head above water.  I was getting tired of comforting her.  I was tired of watching her drink.  I was tired of carrying her happiness on my shoulders.  I was looking for a way out. 

For Christmas, we went to Montana where Rich and Betty had been living.  They had recently moved from a little cabin up a deserted mountain valley to a house in the town of Whitefish. Betty was still with Rich and despite my previous encounter with them, I actually thought that maybe things were starting to improve in their marriage.  Maybe, Montana had been just what they needed.  It still shocks me how easily I can forget the harsh truth and put back up my optimistic blinders.  It didn't take long for the truth to reveal itself.