Ever Evolving

Love has seemed like a threat to me for many years.  I saw it as a binding contract that would solidify me permanently into the form of myself that I was when I first fell in love.  Knowing that living means always evolving and growing, I figured that love would prohibit me from truly living.  What I didn't realize is that I was afraid of my notions of love and not of the actual experience of love itself.  In my mind love created obligations between me and the other person that I would then be permanently forced to carry out.  It meant maintaining something even if it was no longer what I wanted.  Putting these restrictions on myself also meant that I put them on the other person.  Loving someone came with expectations of what they should give to me in return for my love.  When they didn't meet these expectations and it hurt me, I assumed that it was my love that had hurt. I was wrong.  Love is never what hurts.  It is only our notions of love and the expectations that come with those notions that hurt us.  The sensation of love never hurts.  Thay says that we should look at all that is as an experience and not as a notion.  In this way we can experience love without contaminating it with our own expectations of what we should receive in return.  What helped me to let go of my notions of love was my understanding of impermanence.  Thay says, "If you suffer, it is not because things are impermanent but because you think that they are permanent and when there is a change you are disappointed.  If you do not accept the impermanence of the people you love, you suffer a lot when they are no longer around.  But if you understand their impermanence you can do your best to make them happy without expecting anything in return."  In this way we can love without the fear of one day being disappointed by those that we love.  We know that our relationship will continue to evolve and change and will never be permanent.  We can also be at peace knowing that the love that we developed for this person will not disappear when the person is no longer present.  In their absence the love that was created will continue to evolve and grow to include other people around us.  There is no need to be afraid of love.  We should never hold back the formation of love.  The love that we feel is never limited to one person and will never diminish with their disappearance.