Surrender

"Most of us exist for most of the time in worlds which are humanly arranged, themed and controlled. One forgets that there are environments which do not respond to the flick of a switch or the twist of a dial, and which have their own rhythms and orders of existence. Mountains correct this amnesia. By speaking of greater forces than we can possibly invoke, and by confronting us with greater spans of time than we can possibly envisage, mountains refute our excessive trust in the man-made. They pose profound questions about our durability and the importance of our schemes. They induce, I suppose, a modesty in us." - Robert Macfarlane

There is nothing more humbling than a day in the mountains.  I realized this weekend how easy it is to bring our human ambitions, goals and strategies into the mountains only to realize that none are applicable in the untamed wilderness.  In the human world we like to set goals for ourselves and work diligently to accomplish them.  We think that we can control the outcome by neatly planning each step.  Our sense of success depends on our capacity to complete the task and achieve what we were aiming for.  Failure is defined as "the lack of success" and success is defined as "the accomplishment of an aim or purpose."  So what is our aim or purpose in the mountains?  If we come to the mountains with a goal, we will always leave unsatisfied.  There will always be a higher mountain to climb and harder route to explore.  What every seasoned mountaineer knows is that the mountain always wins in the end.  We can train all we want to be stronger in the mountains but we will always be fighting an unbeatable opponent.  How long do you want to fight?  I gave up my fight on the mountains three years ago and was challenged this weekend to maintain this surrender.  Human ambition is a great beast that calls out my name in the mountains telling me that I could push harder and train more to accomplish greater feats.  It feeds on itself with a promise of satisfaction when a goal is reached.  The problem is that the satisfaction only lasts a fraction of a second when I reach the summit before it disappears behind the next goal leaving me in a constant state of yearning.  This state of yearning usually encourages me to push my limits and always ends in injury.  When you fight the mountain the mountain always wins.  So this fabulous weekend of tempting goal making reminded me what my aim is in the mountains.  I go to the mountains to respect their beauty and soak in their healing energy.  I am humbled by their power without trying to fight against it.  I don't need to climb higher or faster to appreciate what the mountains have to offer.  They give me much more when I remain at peace with them.